Mentorship Matters: How to Find a Mentor for Your Child
As a child, who were the adults you looked up to the most? Was it the coach who trained with you every day to make the varsity sports team? Or the teacher who made Shakespeare so fascinating you got the courage to audition for the school play?
Winning over young people is no easy feat, but certain adults have a talent for not only connecting with youth but motivating them to achieve great things. They’re called mentors, and they can make all the difference in a young person’s journey through adolescence.
Youth mentors offer support that goes beyond what friends and family can provide. They’re a listening ear, a cheering squad, a nudge in a new direction. Above all, mentors are there for young people in both good and bad times, helping them to recognize their worth and use their voice.
Finding the right mentor can be challenging, but with over 160 years of youth development experience, Boys & Girls Clubs can help parents and caregivers understand why mentoring is important for youth and how to find the perfect match.
The Benefits of Mentoring Youth
Let’s start with a definition: a youth mentor is a caring adult who kids can rely on for guidance and support to get where they want to go in life. Ideally, a youth mentor has youth development experience or a history of working directly with young people.
Guidance from a mentor can help girls flourish in male-dominated STEM spaces, give young artists and creators more exposure, help kids talk through how to handle bullying, and amplify young voices on issues they care about — just to name a few possibilities.
Mentors also go beyond role models, who may be a kid’s favorite celebrity or YouTube influencer, by spending time getting to know youth on a personal level through regular interactions. However, an effective youth mentor does more than share their own success story; they help young people discover what being successful means to them and what it will take to achieve it.
Every child can benefit from having a mentor and the impact of mentoring on youth speaks for itself.
A 2023 national survey from Boys & Girls Clubs of America found that most youth who attend a Boys & Girls Club say adults at their Club care about them and take the time to talk to them.1
“Research shows that mentors can be a positive influence on young people’s lives, including supporting their academic outcomes, mental health and preparing them for their future careers,” says Victoria Mauer, director of research and evaluation at Boys & Girls Clubs of America. “Mentors also help kids feel seen and understood. A group of kids in a Boys & Girls Club mentoring program recently told me that they could ‘show their true emotions’ to their teen and adult mentors. They appreciated how their mentors gave them space to talk and work through their problems together.”
It’s a no-brainer: youth mentors are a valuable addition to a young person’s support system. But many caregivers are still left wondering: “How can I find the right mentor for my child? Where do I even start?”
Where to Find a Qualified Youth Mentor
The good news is parents and caregivers don’t have to look far to find a great mentor for the kid in their life; chances are, they are already in plain sight.
“Any adult who is trained in youth development has the capacity to serve as a mentor in a young person’s life,” says Victoria Mauer. “Some mentors are more formally matched with kids, like in a youth mentorship program. Others may be more ‘natural mentors,’ or adults already in a young person’s life. These are people who’ve spent hours developing a strong emotional bond with a child, helping them build skills, achieve goals or overcome difficult times. They may be an aunt or uncle, coach or teacher — anyone who a young person intentionally seeks out for guidance and support.”
Youth mentors can be found in many places. However, not all well-meaning adults are the best choice for playing a mentor in a child’s life.
For example, some parents and guardians may have their own agenda for influencing a young person’s actions and behaviors, such as improving athletic abilities or adopting different attitudes at home. However, a caring adult outside of a child’s home can help create a judgement-free space where youth can express their thoughts, worries and goals freely. This is true at Boys & Girls Clubs, where surveyed teens nationwide revealed that they feel more comfortable discussing their mental health and personal identity with Club staff than with their families.2
To find a qualified youth mentor for the child in your life, here are five places worth exploring:
- Research youth mentoring programs in your community.
Youth mentoring programs, like those offered by Boys & Girls Clubs, provide structured opportunities for kids and teens to connect with trained mentors. These programs come in different formats, from one-on-one youth mentoring to small group sessions. They allow young people to find and engage with mentors with similar life experiences as well as those with different perspectives to build their empathy and understanding. Online mentoring programs are also available, allowing youth to connect with mentors from all over the world! - Meet your child’s afterschool activities advisors.
Coaches and teachers who lead youth afterschool activities have great experience empowering young people. With a relationship already built on a shared interest, these authority figures are invested in helping kids and teens enhance their abilities and reach their goals — whether it’s in art, athletics, STEM or another passion. Afterschool programs for youth are offered at schools, libraries and youth mentoring organizations like Boys & Girls Clubs. Guidance counselors and youth development professionals at these places are also great resources for locating mentoring services for youth near you. - Check your connections.
Chances are the right mentor for the young person in your life may already be in your social network. Make a list of trusted adults who your child may be interested in striking up an informal youth mentoring relationship with. This person could be a grandparent, neighbor, community member or someone in a career path that interests your mentee. Building on these social connections can often transition into a natural mentorship experience. - Reach out to colleges and universities.
Kids and teens tend to look up to those closer in age, making young adults a great fit for teen mentorship. College students in their early ‘20s grew up in a similar landscape to kids and teens — navigating social media, mental health challenges and the effects of a global pandemic. These shared experiences can help younger kids feel more comfortable asking for guidance, especially for planning for life after high school. Reach out to local colleges and universities to learn about teen mentoring programs near you between college students and middle or high schoolers. Your child’s school may also have peer-to-peer mentorship programs available. - Connect youth with community, volunteer and/or advocacy opportunities.
Exploring an interest or hobby within the community can connect youth to adults who have experience and knowledge in this shared interest. A kid interested in acting may discover community theater. Teens interested in social issues can join grassroots groups or nonprofits to advocate for change. Young people can also join a volunteering program to give back to causes close to their heart. These types of organizations are often helmed by volunteer captains or other adult leaders who can mentor youth and provide opportunities to strengthen their skills.
How to Choose a Youth Mentor: Five Tips to Find the Best Fit
Now that you know where to find a youth mentor, next is knowing how to determine who is the best fit for the young person in your life. Experts at Boys & Girls Clubs of America say the best place to start is by bringing kids into the conversation.
“A mentoring relationship should be guided by what the child wants out of it,” says Zaynah Johnson, director of youth development programs at Boys & Girls Clubs of America. “Talk with kids and teens about their own interests and goals first, then help them understand how a mentor can support them in these capacities. By discussing who, where and why youth would want a mentor, kids can be more intentional about finding the right mentor for them and building a lasting relationship.”
After outlining your ideal youth mentor candidate, it’s time to start your search. Keep these pointers in mind when selecting a mentor for the child in your life. Remember that finding the right mentor may take longer than anticipated, but the wait will be worthwhile.
- Ensure your mentor has time and availability.
Remember that the most important thing a mentor can offer a young person is their time and attention. Before introducing a child to their new mentor, ask about their availability and discuss how they plan to schedule spending time with their mentee to form a caring and consistent relationship. - Look for access to youth growth opportunities.
A great mentor rolls up their sleeves to help their mentee not only figure out and work toward their dreams but connect them to any opportunities that come their way. Whether it’s writing a letter of recommendation for a prestigious art competition, connecting teens with the employer of a coveted internship, or getting youth in front of elected officials to pitch their advocacy project, look for mentors who can expose youth to opportunities that further their goals. - Avoid mentors who “think they know best.”
In our ever-changing world, there’s no “one-size-fits-all” approach to being successful. What worked for a mentor might not necessarily work for their mentee, so make sure the person you choose is open to new ideas and pathways for learning, growth and achievement. Having a mentor who is willing to listen and learn from a young person’s experiences is the best way to gain their trust. - Consider mentors with shared identities and experiences.
Youth are constantly looking for role models they can see themselves in, which is why it’s so important for them to have adult mentors with shared lived experiences or identities. A mentor who shares the same cultural or racial background, or is a member of the LGBTQ+ community, can provide practical guidance, understanding and empathy to a mentee. Access to these mentors can help all kids and teens feel seen, valued and heard. - Conduct an informal interview and stay connected once the mentorship begins.
Once you find a potential youth mentor, take time to get to know them first. Ask about their background, experience and interests, as well as seek out any references. If participating in a youth mentoring program, ask organizations about how they conduct mentor background checks and training to take on youth mentoring responsibilities. Throughout the mentorship, continue to have regular conversations with your child and their mentor to check in on your child’s experience.
Need a quick checklist of quality youth mentor traits? Check out Boys & Girls Clubs of America’s handy “recipe” for all the ingredients in a healthy youth mentoring relationship.
For kids and teens who are still developing their self-confidence, having adults who believe in them can make all the difference. While mentors can’t solve all of young people’s problems, having someone who can help kids learn about themselves and the world around them is more than enough. Even when things are going well in a young person’s life, the best mentors stick around to celebrate that young person’s wins, develop their skills and set (and achieve!) new goals.
Learn more about how Boys & Girls Clubs provide caring mentors to millions of kids and teens across the nation each year and find mentoring programs for youth at a Club near you.
Mentors Make a Difference
Boys & Girls Clubs provide inclusive and safe places, caring mentors and life-enhancing programs that boost youth self-esteem, build confidence and contribute to overall positive and healthy well-being. Sign up for our newsletter to receive the latest resources and stories from Boys & Girls Clubs of America, and learn more about how Clubs across the nation connect millions of kids and teens with trained mentors.
Sources
1 2021 National Youth Outcomes Initiative, Boys & Girls Clubs of America
2 2022 Teen Survey, Boys & Girls Clubs of America
